Dear President Obama:
Congratulations on your historic ascendancy to the office of the President of the United States. You are now the leader of the free world. My hope is that you understand the gravity of this office and that you are serious in reaching out to all Americans, myself included.
I have to be honest. I didn’t vote for you. Some of your campaign rhetoric seemed designed to do nothing more than to win the election, even though you and I both know that there was no way you could adhere to the promises you made. But many of my fellow Americans were unable or unwilling to think critically, so now you’re my President.
I apologize that I was unable to watch your inauguration ceremony yesterday. Unfortunately, many of us had to work to pay the taxes to support the United States Treasury and the government that you are now responsible for. I guess that my efforts allowed others to take the day off and actually go to Washington and bask in your afterglow yesterday. Be that as it may, here are a few things you can do for me and my family in the next four years.
First, please don’t raise my taxes. My wife and I already pay our fair share, and despite what your Vice President thinks, it is a privilege and not a patriotic duty to pay taxes. Given the state of the economy right now, however, it could be my patriotic duty to spend some money on durable goods, that is, replace the dishwasher we’ve been talking about, replace our deck, etc. If you raise my taxes, it will inhibit our ability to do those types of things, and as a result, jobs will not be created. This is not a threat, but Economics 101. It’s the people that work hard and are successful that create the jobs in this country, not the poor. If you want the poor to have jobs, you need to allow those of us with job-creation abilities to do just that.
Second, I would love it if you could control the growth of government. I know this is a tall order, especially with corporations that have made poor decisions and industries with failed business models collapsing right and left. I understand that it is in times like this that limited Keynsian economic theory may make some sense, but government has never been more efficient than the private sector at anything other than national defense. Your rhetoric indicates that you think government is the be all and end all, but history suggests otherwise. You’re a smart man. Use your creative thinking skills at partnering with private industry to create less government and it’s corresponding intrusion in people’s lives.
Third, please return to a balanced budget. Those of us who actually pay taxes are tired of the politicians in Washington spending our money (it’s our’s, by the way, not theirs) like drunken sailors. I, for one, would like to see it spent more wisely. Your rhetoric indicates you feel the same way, but it’s disheartening for us who do the paying to perceive government as Robin Hood. Philanthropy is best done privately, and in some cases through the church or para-church organizations. Let’s keep it that way.
Fourth, please keep my family safe. This will be a difficult challenge for you too, because your naive base will pressure you to make deals with rogue nations and release bad guys, hell-bent on our destruction, that we now have in custody. Err on the side of caution. Use common sense. Keep us safe.
Finally, while I know you’re a little fuzzy on issues of conception and the beginning of human life and therefore I don’t expect you to respect the sanctity of human life, I do ask that you respect the sanctity of marriage. My wife and I, along with millions of other Americans, take our marriage commitment seriously. My job isn’t to condemn those who make other choices, rather my job is to love them. But if they want to partake in my covenant, I ask that they choose a partner of the opposite sex, just like I did. What they’re asking for cheapens my covenant, and that offends me. (Not that they care, but it does anyway.)
Thank you for the time you took to read my letter. As my President, I wish you well, and you, your family and your leadership team are in my prayers. I look forward to your response. After all, it’s not like you have any other pressing matters to attend to.