Iowa is…

A friend of my dad sent him this comment yesterday…

Thank God your voting is over. Now the rest of us can get some peace and you can go back to being the nation’s corn field and imposing sales taxes on the pumpkin patch. This has been going on for two long years and we still have nine more months to go. There ought to be a law prohibiting any campaigning more than six weeks before the election. If you can’t say what you want in that amount of time then you probably don’t have anything to say. The best thing was that you made Queen Hillary third. Now if the New Englanders will only do the same, perhaps she will go away and only we New Yorkers will have to put up with her.

To which my dad replied…

Thanks for your brief capsulisation of our intrepid ‘first in the nation’ caucuses.

WE — usually overlooked — farm folk who linger here, pathetically preparing FOOD for all you folk on the fashionable fringes of our horizons just feel so pleased you let us touch our fingers to the political cornucopia once each four years (Unless it looks like the politico in office WILL get a second term, then we get only a portion of the possible. ) before the big rush.

You, Masters of our futures and bosses of our present, are so good to allow us this once in a while ‘first in the nation’ status. We appreciate it and want you to know that we try to make it nice for all those job seekers you send for us to evaluate before you have to get up from your fat tables and try to learn enough to take on part of the job.

By the way, we rescinded the pumpkin patch tax, however we increased, dramatically, our hotel and restaraunt taxes for anyone who is NOT certain where the hell Iowa is, how it’s pronounced – or God help us, that the Capital City is not Boise or Dayton – and that it is prounced without the sibilant on the end, WE just add the sound for foreigners to remember how to spell.

For those of you who are aware of the “pumpkin patch tax”, we had a little issue in the fall regarding the sale of pumpkins for fall decorating. Normally, food items (like pumpkins) are exempts from the Iowa Sales Tax.  The prior year, the Iowa Department of Revenue announced they were going to start taxing pumpkins in 2007 because they were used for decorating, not eating.  We drew some national attention, especially on the Internet because of this, and the tax was quickly dropped.

Anyhow, Happy Saturday!

About the Author

Mr. Smith is the Publisher of The Conservative Reader. He is Partner/Owner of Ambrosia Web Technology as well as a Systems Architect for Wells Fargo. Art hold a degree in Computer Science from Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa, and is a political blogger at the Des Moines Register. Art's views are purely his own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Wells Fargo.

 

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